Edited by Stanley Schmidt
176 pages
Published 1992
Read from February 28 to February 29
Rating: 1 out of 5
The first full issue of a science fiction magazine that I ever read was the June 1999 Analog. Maybe it was in that issue that I saw the iconic cover of this issue for the first time, with its tyrannosaur stalking two astronauts — one human, one blobby and alien — through a canyon. Maybe it featured prominently on an offer for back issues, or perhaps it was on one of those subscription cards that tumble out of magazines. Regardless, I’m excited to finally have the chance to read it!
—
“Embracing the Alien” by Geoffrey A. Landis. Our narrator is a plantlike being sent to study the strange creatures known as humans. The being uses the designation Torri for the humans’ benefit. Torri has been assigned to a human FTL ship, which pauses to investigate a black hole. But the black hole hosts an unknown electromagnetic life form, which pulls them into the event horizon and sends them back in time to the terminal Cretaceous on Earth. There, the travelers meet a younger version of the energy being, who asks them to vote on whether the human future should be wiped away to usher in a utopian dinosaur timeline.
If you’ve read a story in the ’90s Analog style, you know the formula: sci-fi adventure, lightly seasoned with human drama, but predominantly focused on the genre elements. This one goes through its relevant character beats like a checklist. It works adequately (if perfunctorily) as a story, but lacks emotional depth. Colonialism is woven inextricably throughout its premise: humanity (read: white people) spread disruption and war wherever they went, but they also taught other races technology and new ways of thinking, so they should be thanked! It’s impossible not to recognize that line for what it is, nowadays, even if it was wholly subconscious when written. Also, there just aren’t enough dinosaurs. I’m sure I would have loved “Alien” when I was younger, though. C
—
“Steelcollar Worker” by Vonda N. McIntyre. Jannine and Neko are workers in a VR factory, finessing molecules into proprietary compounds for various drugs or fertilizers. Neko has misgivings about the secret new compound they’ve been making, but Jannine is more worried about the threat of being promoted. This story tries to be a blue collar viewpoint on a cyberpunk future, but like most predicted futures from 30 years back, it wasn't nearly pessimistic enough about what a working class life would be like. The story itself is fine, nothing especially memorable. It peters out into nothing. C-?
—
“Naught Again” by John E. Stith. Nick Naught is a PI with a car that has a mind of its own. We open with Nick trying desperately to talk his Flashfire out of street-racing another AI car. There’s even a joke about the DMV on the first page. That pretty much gives you the flavor of this “humorous” novelette. Extremely uninteresting. D
—
I don’t know whether I’d count the Probability Zero feature as a story or not. (Seriously, what was with ’90s Analog and ’80s Asimov’s and their ongoing “humorous” columns?) Anyway, “C-Change” by Charles Sheffield was certainly something that was printed, on paper even. Shrug?
—
“P. C. Software” by G. David Nordley. As you could guess from the title, this tedious number roots its “humor” in that timeless fear of mediocre men everywhere: political correctness run amok! An “elephantine” feminist rages at a magazine editor about the content he publishes, so he buys software to replace every word with paragraphs of euphemisms. It’s a timely reminder of how those with power have always pushed to infantilize and mock any who challenge their accepted hierarchy. White dudes are still out here parroting this same joke more than three decades later, and acting like they just aced the assignment. Terminally dull and uncreative. F
—
“High on Life” by Greg Costikyan. Oh boy, even more humorous social commentary from a privileged point of view! Jason is a man bold enough to be cheerful in a time of nanny-state overreach, risking mace and possible accusations of harassment in order to have a nice “morally wrong” flirt with the office ladies (who are all secretly in love with him for his boldness). Those nanny-state liberals want to make enjoying life a crime, lads! F
—
“Assemblers of Infinity” by Kevin J. Anderson and Doug Beason (part 3 of 4). Another Analog, another serialized novel midway through its run. I’ve never read anything I enjoyed by Kevin J. Anderson, and this does nothing to change that. The synopsis of the first two installments takes the time to assure us that female characters are “trim” and “attractive.” Once we get through the synopsis, we’re stuck with some 45 pages of boilerplate technothriller, populated with uninteresting characters and petty little dramas, all while knowing the conclusion is nowhere in sight. Not nearly enough actually happens to justify the page count. The gist is that alien nanobots are building something mysterious on the far side of the moon. The terrestrial powers-that-be assemble a team (which includes an architect who is also an astronaut, for some reason) and send them to check it out. An attractive young female scientist negligently infects herself and the crew with nanobots. The architect-astronaut is going through a divorce; trapped on the moon with him, the young scientist notes he doesn’t seem that much older…. Yeah, it’s that kind of story. Maybe F+
—
Fulfilling a longstanding Analog tradition, the best part of this issue was, yet again, the cover art. The first couple stories were almost promising, but we sped downhill from there. Goddamn, that was some bleak reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment